You know, I get my inspiration from all kinds of places and the inspiration for this post came from an email exchange with a very special friend. It started me thinking so I thought I’d just share. Love!
Well yes, I like to share love, give love. Let’s face it, I’m the eternal romantic and resident weirdo, magic, miracles and fairy dust to boot!!!
When I was young and stupid, before I understood the true meaning of love I threw those three words around like confetti, you know the ones. The ones that every girl wants to hear…… I love you. Mmmm we all say it and we all crave it, but do we say it for the right reasons?
I mean we hear it from our parents as we grow up, we hear it in songs, in movies, in sitcoms….it’s everywhere. The words that will make you happy, warm and fuzzy and make all your dreams come true so you can live happily ever after, just like in the movies…….Well I’m sorry to break your hearts here but it’s not always the way it ends.
For some, those words mark possession, control, something they have over you. For someone that admits to wanting to be loved, looked after and all the things that your head conjures up when you think about love, I have been disappointed more times than I can count. It took me a long time to understand why I felt that need but that is definitely fodder for a different post.
True love is kind, honest, caring. It is about sharing someone’s life without judgement. It’s encouraging, supportive and nurturing. It allows you to continue to grow with out restrictions. It also allows for difference of opinions without ridicule.
If you look deeper you will notice that all of these things above are what we instil in our children as we raise them to feel loved. So why does our outlook on love change as we gain age?
We put so much pressure on ourselves and others to have love be perfect. The only perfect part in love is in its imperfections. Nobody is perfect despite how much they might argue that point. Let’s face it, life isn’t perfect, so how can we possibly hope for love to be any different.
Maybe this is where I should insert my disclaimer…….
Hopeless romantic, who is hopeless at romance!!!! It is because of this admission I feel free to jot down my hard learned observations on love.
There is also a distinct difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. However, the values of love remain the same, the depth of some may be deepened but the same nonetheless.
Let’s break it down……you meet someone, you goof around for a while, your feelings deepen, you make it official and start ‘dating’. As you are dating you align you lives, your hopes, goals, dreams and think …….hey, I think I love you, let’s stick together!!!! Really that’s the quick lowdown on a love story…..wow, what a fantastic romance novelist I could be, NOT 😂😂 Anyway, I’m sure you know where I was heading. To be honest a true 51 and very single I could probably write a great book on How To Screw Up A Relationship or Two !!!!
It’s at this point we apply the screws to the relationship. I’ve got a question for you. What happens when you force a screw too hard, too fast into a piece of timber? In most cases it splits. Think of pushing a relationship too far out of the true values and the same thing is likely to happen. This is where those core values seem to go astray.
Please don’t misunderstand me, it’s not always smooth sailing, it’s not meant to be…..it’s how you steer the boat together that makes the difference. Together being the key word. I don’t mean you have to live in each other’s pockets 24/7, but together as in on the same boat in the same ocean is a good place to start. This would probably be a good time to throw in a link back to a previous post all about communication, just click here.
As I said I’m not a relationship except, hell, I’m a relationship train wreck but it’s through this that I have learned to understand exactly what love is and should be from both sides. Sometimes going without forces you to look a little deeper within and find some answers. You not only have to question what has happened, but also what something or someone really meant to you.
Unfortunately, despite my romantic side I know love is not all warm and fuzzy, it can be if nurtured right and for those that have this, please look after it……you are so very lucky.
I am lucky enough to have family and friends that love me. I can promise if I tell you I love you, I mean it and it comes from those values deep within. I’ve learned a lot of lessons along the way, the most important one is to learn to love yourself first, you’ll be surprised at how neglectful of that you have really been.
Love isn’t what you want it to be but what you make it. So please when you are considering using those three little words make yourself accountable first. Are all those values there for you to give and are you getting them in return? It could save a lot of heartache along the way. The very same principles apply whether you are saying it to a lover or a friend. They are not words to throw around lightly, they mean something to someone, so choose your targets carefully and with love.
All that said, the true romantic in me still believes a little magic and fairy dust can do wonders …….💕