I’m guessing the title caught your attention, but it is so true. Sex is traded for intimacy all the time. Yes sex is an intimate activity but so many people still think that’s all you have to worry about on the intimacy scale and I’m here to tell you it’s not!
A good romp never hurt anyone but if you are looking for a long lasting, deep, intimate relationship then you need to delve a little deeper so to speak. These 7 Important steps will help you grow a solid and intimate relationship.
That’s right, really listening. Put the phones down, turn the TV off and give your partner 100% of your attention. I don’t mean the sit there, tune out, nod when you think it’s appropriate…. really listen to what they have to say.
It might not be a world class, knock you off your feet topic, but it obviously means something to your partner so you should be connected enough that you want to listen.
If you aren’t then you might as well stop reading right now as you are obviously not interested in that long term, committed relationship after all.
It seems obvious really, but only if you were listening carefully enough to be able to answer.
You see if there is one thing I have learnt along the way is communication is everything! If you can’t communicate on a deeper than superficial level, then you have nothing to build on. So yes, after you have taken the time to listen, acknowledge what your partner has had to say. They may have been telling you about some fabulous new web based program they’re now using, so they were excited to share. Be excited enough to try and understand it, acknowledge what you can, admit what you can’t and ask a question or two. That way your partner will feel valued and appreciate that you care enough to want to know more.
Relationships are often built on differences, it’s in the ongoing willingness to learn about each other that keeps relationships strong.
3. PAY ATTENTION
I could also call this point ‘notice’.
When we have been with someone for a long time we tend to become accustomed to them and don’t always notice slight changes. It might be a ‘slightly’ different haircut or different colour. Now obviously if someone goes from blonde to black you could hardly miss it, if you do…….please get your eyes tested ! But with so many different hues and tints within the same shade it’s hard to notice, but when you do…...WOW mega brownie points for you. Compliment each other, nice shirt, nice tie…..that colour suits you. That’s a nice dress, is it new?
Now before I go any further, I don’t want you all falling over each other and being sucky……no, this is about genuine attention and mentioning it. It works both ways and it builds intimacy.
Laugh long and hard. Pick a funny movie, laugh at yourself, with your partner, not only does it build intimacy it also releases a whole lot of happy hormones so it’s good for you. These days life is so serious, we all need a good laugh and having someone to share it with doubles the funny. So start laughing today.
I know, if you’re a couple being told to share may seem innate, however it’s what you share that makes the difference. I’m not talking a packet of crisps either, you need to share yourselves and your time.
Don’t be sitting in the lounge watching football while your partner is in the kitchen cooking……get your butt in the kitchen and do it together. You may even find something funny in it and start to laugh, together……now there’s a novel thought!
There are lots of activities around the house that can be done by one, but they can be done quicker by two, but this isn’t about speed, it’s all about connection.
Every member of a relationship should have their alone time, that’s healthy, but life is so fast paced these days, quite often partners are like ships in the night. Find time to do things together, be together and share what you have.
Now we are going into physical stuff……listen up!!
Yes touch, not sex!
A gentle brush of hands, a kiss when least expected and my ultimate favourite, a cuddle. Not just a quick squeeze either, a real embrace that says “I’m so happy you’re here with me”. While we’re at it, don’t ever underestimate the intimacy of a back rub that goes no further than a long, sleepy cuddle afterwards. You can always seal the deal a little later.
Absolutely…….whether they be gently placed or take your breath away they get the job done. These days being on my own and single though I have a lot of male friends I can get hugs from, I even have married ones and their wives don’t mind my hugs but the one and only thing I miss more than anything else is a kiss! Maybe I could set up a kissing booth at the local markets……I could get my fill and make some spare change while I’m at it! Seriously…….kisses are so important, give them, receive them and enjoy them.
I know you are probably thinking…..hang on, she just said she was single. What would she know? Let me tell you, hindsight is a wonderful tool to be able to bring insight to others. I have experienced lack of communication, I have witnessed it in others relationships and let me tell you outside of infidelity and finance problems lack of communication is a full blown relationship breaker.
So get your communication skills up to scratch and then throw in a little sex, your relationship and more importantly, your partner will thank you for it.
Let me know if you try any of these and if they have a positive impact on your relationships.