On the back of my last post about love and other bruises, yes, there is a song in there for you’re old enough to remember it! I thought I’d give you 7 reasons NOT to go looking for love. You can catch up on the last post here.
My 7 Reasons
Traditionally you meet someone when you’re young, fall in love, start a family and that’s it, you’re set. Who wrote the rule book on when someone finds or falls in love? There is no age limit to love.
Think about it…….there is no age limit on when you become a success in your chosen career or business. Or when you purchase a property or when you travel. There’s not even an age barrier as to when a woman becomes a mother these days, although I think there should be. So why is there a belief that you should fall in love young?
As I just mentioned in this day and age of technology there is, it appears no age limit on having and raising children. Yes that female biological clock ticks loudly, I get it. I had my first 2 children at 25 & 27, I had my last at 42……granted, I had just turned 42 by 18 days, but that’s not my point. Although, I do believe there should be a cut of point. These women that are having children into their 60’s and sometimes 70’s I believe and this is a personal belief that they are too old. Looking forward to their child’s life and how little time they may be in it, I just don’t think is fair.
That being said, there are many reasons women have children in later life and that is their choice. My main point here is there is no need to rush into ‘love’ just to have a baby…..there are many men and women who conceive, deliver and raise happy, healthy children on their own these days with the ‘love’ required being the parent/child love.
You know those family get togethers…’ you look lovely dear, still single I see. When are you going to find someone and settle down?’ When I’m damn well ready !!!!
You hearing me? I hope so. Do not let the pressure no matter how subtle or not from your Great Aunt Gertrude make you feel you need to hurry on….. Or your parents for that matter. They may have a different tactic like, ‘when are you going to give us grandchildren?’ Argh……buy them a puppy!!!! Maybe you’re from a big family and you’re the last sibling left standing, don’t take sibling pressure either.
While we’re on the subject of pressure, don’t underestimate the pressure that society itself brings. The magazines, TV shows and these days social media all contribute to social and peer pressure. How many of your friends have gotten married in the past 12 months? Yep, I love a good wedding but it doesn’t mean I want one of my own!!
On and off over many years I have been the spare wheel of the group, I’ve also been lucky enough to not be made feel out of step because of it. This I know is not always the case. Don’t bow to pressure from others, for any reason.
YOU ARE LONELY
Yep, I know this is HUGE, I’ve been there. Just because I’m single by choice doesn’t mean I don’t get lonely……trust me I do. Not very often but it does happen.
You need to learn to be happy in your own space by yourself. When you think about it, if you’re not happy in your own space what makes you think you’ll be happy with someone else. This is something I have learned the hard way, my internal unhappiness has killed more relationships than I care to acknowledge and not just romantic ones.
Learn to be happy within, learn that you alone are enough. Once you master that you will be able to add to a relationship rather than take from one.
All the singles that are scared of ending up alone put your hands up……….WOW that’s a lot of hands. Yep, it may surprise you you to know that my hand went up too. Just because I’m writing this doesn’t mean I don’t feel your pain.
I’ve managed to deal with the previous points through pain and living through them, but this one will stay with me I think.
In my heart I dream of being half of an elderly couple that still holds hands, still laughs, snuggles and shares the latter part of their lives. In my mind, at almost 52 and very, very single, I know reality says it might not happen, not romantically anyway. This is where I am extremely lucky enough to have a few friends that I can share these things with. Let’s face it, if I can’t hug you……..you can’t be my friend 😂😂
Bottom line, don’t be so scared of being alone that you rush into something that just isn’t right and won’t last.
On the back of all the reasons above this is my final and in my opinion my most important point.
YOU ARE ENOUGH…….don’t settle just to be with someone who may or may not truly love you. This goes for all parts of your life not just your love life. By trusting your own feelings and understanding what you do and don’t want and deserve will stop you from just settling.
If you are starting a relationship because you think you are missing out or just to say you’re in one……then you’re really not. You are just filling a void n your life that could quite as easily be filled with a pet! So make your choices wisely, if you don’t you could be setting yourself up for many years of heartache ahead.
So I hope this little list has been helpful. Not only for why you shouldn’t look for love but also to help you see what you need for yourself before you can give to someone else.
No one goes into a relationship expecting it to end and if we choose love for the right reasons then you’ve got a better chance of it lasting.
Just remember it all starts with YOU! How you feel about yourself, your hopes, dreams and desires. Hang on to those when love comes calling and you will have so much more to offer to the right person.